After Journey - Prologue
by Kin Ryu
Summary: After war, the G-Boys have changed ... for the better, or the worse?
1. Prologue

Prologue To After Journey: Gundam  
  
After Colony 197, the wars have ended. Oz has been destroyed. The Alliance has been reestablished. The Gundams are now stored except for the Shenlong. Dr J. and the others are working on improving the Gundams should another war break out. For now there is peace on the self-governed colonies and Earth is united under one country. The Alliance is the government for the Earth but there is no higher ruler than any other. The Elite Alliance are the heads of the government. It is composed of thirty men and women from various colonies and people from Earth. Dr J. has the ex-pilots set up in a house on Earth near the school that Duo and Heero went to with Relena. Relena has been killed during the war. A former Oz assassin shot her down at an assembly of the Elite Alliance, which she was formerly a member of. Only Milliardo Peacecraft is left. Against his better wishes, Milliardo has agreed to run the Sank Kingdom, which is now a major province of the United Earth Sphere. The queen of the Sank Kingdom is now Lieutenant Noin. She and Milliardo are now married.  
  
The characters have changed due to the war and its ending. This is a short description of how each character has been affected and become after the fighting.  
  
Heero doesn't have a mind. It was suppressed during the training. Now that the wars are over, this is the first time he hasn't had to fight or train. His mind is coming back. His feelings are coming out. He can't handle it. This has never happened before. He doesn't understand it. It's too confusing. He's being overwhelmed by the feelings and his mind. His humanity is also gone. It was suppressed during the training as a child as well. Humanity is something he must relearn. Before, in the battlefield, Heero went solely on instinct. He was trained to let his more destructive primitive side handle what to do and then his trained mind to accomplish it.  
  
Duo was formerly outgoing but only before he had no one to fight with. The outwardness was a way of covering up the anxiety and pain from the war. The only reason he destroyed everything was because of his rage. He has an explosive temper that is rarely realized. He controlled it by releasing it on the battlefield. Now it's bottling up since he no longer erases it with fighting on the field. He is more quiet than angry most times. No matter how mad he is with him, he always protects Heero when he needs it.   
  
Quatre is the most caring of the Gundam ex-pilots. He always wants to help the others. He's willing to express his feelings more so. He is like a "mother" to them or a big brother. (Having 29 sisters does that to you.) He shows his feelings openly. His feelings are more "connected" to him. He can't hide his feelings from his face and body language. He has decided to keep the memories of the war fresh in his mind. He keeps them to remember the people who died in the wars that he fought.  
  
Trowa only opens his feelings to Quatre. Other than that, his emotions are like the mask he keeps. They are otherwise unseen. He keeps the mask to remind him of the fact that he "doesn't have" any feelings except for Quatre so he won't show his emotions. The masks still holds flashbacks of the circus. He seldom touches it because of the memories that come back with it. They confuse him. He doesn't understand why they are always coming back. He wears it to only shadow and calm his emotions when they severely effect him.  
  
Wufei is gone. When the wars are done he refused to put down his sword. Nataku has been destroyed. He has destroyed Nataku because he says Nataku has gone through too much fighting and is strong enough. In reality, the Shenlong was too damaged to repair. Wufei has decided to travel the land, growing stronger. Wufei is obsessed with becoming stronger but insists he's not since he defeats his enemies. He says that he is a weakling for fighting only other weaklings.   
  
Sally Po, Wufei's former travelling companion, has died on the battlefield. She was shot down during a fight with her resistance group. Her last words to Wufei as he held her were "Wufei, you are not weak. Being able to fight and win is a sign of strength. If you still believe you are too weak to fight, fight for me, Wufei. Fight for me." Wufei has promised to do this and still thinks of Sally when he believes he is too weak to fight. 


	2. Chapter One

Chapter One  
  
  
"Heero! Where are you going?" Duo cried out at the night as Heero's black form melted into the pounding rain. "Heero?" he said more softly, almost pleadingly. "Why do you continue to run, Heero? The wars are over. We can finally be contemplating..."  
  
Duo closed the door slowly, hoping for Heero to return.   
  
* * * * *  
  
Heero continued through the night. Faster, harder, his legs pounded the ground. Faster, faster. Harder, harder. Never slow down. He raced from the fear. He fled from Duo. But mostly, he ran away from himself. The rain soaked through his shirt leaving it plastered to his skin. Sweat poured down his forehead.   
  
Heero charged through the night. He was scared. What would happen now? The wars had ended. He had no place now. He was the perfect soldier. If you were trained to fight and nothing else, what would you do once you destroyed the enemy? Would you make enemies of everybody, so you would never run out of opponents? But once you had destroyed them, what was left? Yourself. And if you were the perfect soldier, you were gone too.  
  
Heero flew through the air. He screamed at himself as he landed on a puddle of mud. The brown liquid covered his face and seeped from his hair, making the bangs stick to his forehead. He sat there, vulnerable. His feelings, which he had kept bottled up for so long, were released. He cried. He cried and cried. The whole time he thought of his lover.   
  
Duo...Will I be forced to make you an enemy as well? Or have I already? Will you still be able to love me? The thoughts flew through his head. They were overwhelming. His head surged with the images. Each tear that flowed down his face was a representation of another picture in his head. Each tear was another fear of his love with Duo. He wanted to get rid of the pain so bad. He wanted to die if necessary. But he couldn't. Not now. Now all he could do was run from himself. 


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter Two  
  
Duo sat on the edge of his bed. The tears streaming down his face. Each crystalline drop was another worry. Where was Heero? Why did he run? Does he still love me? Did he ever? How can I love him now? The pain astonished him. He fell over on his bed and held his head. He lay there in a fetal position, not thinking anymore. Just crying.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Quatre walked by the door and heard Duo's sobbing. He pushed open the door and peaked his head in. Duo lay on the bed. Quatre stepped the rest of the way in.   
  
"What's wrong, Duo? Are you okay? Do you want to talk?" he inquired. Duo sat up and looked at Quatre. His cheeks were covered with dry tears and his eyes were red and bloodshot from crying. He tried one of his trademark smiles and failed. The ex-pilot broke down and started crying again. Quatre moved to his side and let Duo sob. His shirt was soaked down the arm before Duo sat up again.   
  
"Thanks, Quatre. I guess I do need someone to talk to after all," Duo muttered, voice thick.   
  
"Tell me whatever you want, Duo. Anything. I won't tell anybody. Not even Trowa," Quatre reassured him.   
  
"It's Heero. He ran off while him and I were talking in the den. I asked him if he would love me forever and he never said anything. I asked him again and he jumped up and disappeared out the door. I called after him but he never came back. He's out there and I don't know where and I...I..." Duo trailed off, again on the verge of tears. Quatre put out his arms and Duo fell into them, thankful for a small glimpse of comfort.  
  
Quatre gathered him in his arms and held onto him as tight as possible. He tried to extinguish all of Duo's pain with the warmth of his embrace. Duo moved closer and put his arms around Quatre. He buried his face in Quatre's shoulder.  
  
Quatre certainly is a comfort, thought Duo. More aware of my feelings then Heero. And he is kinda cute. Quatre kissed him on the forehead. Duo looked up and kissed Quatre on the lips. They sat there in a close knit embrace. 


	4. Chapter Three

Chapter Three  
  
Trowa walked through the corridors. He headed towards the kitchen. On the way he passed Duo's room and heard sobbing from inside. He peaked through the crack curiously. There was Duo leaning into Quatre's arms and crying on his shoulder. Quatre leaned down and kissed Duo on the forehead. Duo looked up. He leaned toward Quatre and kissed him passionately on the lips.   
  
Trowa backed onto the wall. What was Quatre doing?! Didn't Quatre always say he only him loved him? Didn't Quatre care for him? Didn't Quatre...? Didn't...? Trowa couldn't think straight. He ran down the hall. The door approached him, closer and closer. He slammed into it and pushed it open. Trowa banged his door shut and leaned against it for support. His legs gave out on him. Trembles rushed through his body. His breathing came out in short, labored gasps. Tears whelmed in his eyes. Trowa put his head in his hands and sat there. His Quatre, his little one, had betrayed him. After all they told each other at night while lying next to each other. After all that happened. After all...after everything! He couldn't believe it.   
  
Trowa placed his head down on his crossed arms and cried. The tears flowed and they refused to stop. 


	5. Chapter Four

Chapter Four  
  
Heero's feet pounded the ground. Faster, faster. Harder, harder, harder still. The rain had washed away the mud but if only it could do the same for his heart. If only it could wash away all the pain and anguish and feelings. He was confused by them. He had never had any feelings before. They were always bottled up.   
  
He could almost hear the sound of Duo calling him back again. The sweet voice drowned out everything else in his head except the steady drumming of the rain and his heart's erratic beating. Heero tried to run faster, harder, but was out of energy. He had used it all.  
  
Still, he pressed on. Still, he ran. He ran, hoping to outrun his fears, his worries, his Duo. But no matter how fast he ran, he couldn't escape it. He couldn't quite run fast enough. When he thought he had outraced them, a new wave hit.   
  
Heero slowed down in front of a park. This was the park him and Duo had stayed at before. They had had several picnics in this park, them and Trowa and Quatre. A squeak resinated through the air. Heero turned toward it, on the defensive. But it was just a swing, swaying in the wind, drenched and slippery from the rain. Heero cantered over to it. He sat on the swing and just let go. He just stayed there and let the memories rush him all at once. When him and Duo had sat togther on these swings and playfully challenged the other to swing higher than themselves. Even though it wasn't possible since they kept grabbing each others hands when they passed the other.   
  
It was too much for Heero. The thoughts and feelings were, again, overwhelming him. He had never needed them before. He had never had them before. The only memories he had needed were of previous battles. Of how his enemy worked so he could finish them faster. His feelings were always irrelevant to the mission. They were never needed.  
  
He got up from the swing. He started running again. But this time he ran the other way. Towards his problems, his fears, his worries, his Duo. He ran straight for them and embraced them. The only way to destroy a problem is to face it head on, he thought. 


	6. Chapter Five

Chapter Five  
  
Quatre pulled back from Duo, a scared look on his face. What had he done? What would Trowa think of that? Why did he do that? Why...? What...? Quatre leaped from the bed. He grabbed his heart. The pain. He fell down to the ground. What had he done?! An anguished cry escaped his lips.   
  
Duo got off the bed. He rushed to Quatre's side. What was wrong? Why was Quatre hurt?  
  
"Quatre, what's wrong?" Duo cried. He tried to help Quatre up. He grabbed his arm and pulled him up. Quatre looked at him without recognition. Duo went to kiss him again, to make him feel better. Quatre jumped back.   
  
What was going on? His heart, the pain! It was so overwhelming. He couldn't feel anything other than the pain. Duo's voice drifted faintly and distantly through his thoughts. Duo's voice came clearer, sharper: "Quatre, what's wrong? Please tell me!"   
  
Quatre looked up at Duo. The pain slowly faded. Duo stared at him with the worried eyes of a mother. Again, Duo tried to kiss Quatre but again Quatre backed away. It was all wrong! Wrong! Trowa? Where was Trowa? He needed Trowa!   
  
Quatre backed out the door and ran to Trowa's room. 


	7. Chapter Six

Chapter Six  
  
Trowa slumped against the door. Quatre had kissed Duo! Why? Didn't Quatre always say that he loved him? Didn't they always say they would never forgot that? That they would always love each other? Even though some couples don't mean it, that they do? Quatre...? The tears fell unchecked down Trowa's face. They dropped on the carpet and stained it with sorrow. The carpet absorbed his dissolving love.   
  
Like his mask would.   
  
Trowa got off the floor and walked to a desk. He picked up the half-face mask that he kept. He kept it to remember Catherine and the circus. Touching the mask brought back so many memories, so many sad, lonely nights in his trailer. Catherine trying to get him to smile so bad. Catherine...Catherine's tears. The only thing that had kept him from self-detonation.   
  
There were no tears now though. Only his. Why should he care? The only thing that had kept him alive now had betrayed him. Maybe he should...maybe he should self-detonate. There was no reason not to now. He placed the mask up to his face.   
  
The memory of the daggers flying by his face rushed him as he looked in the mirror. The memories of the lions that were his friends. The lions that sometimes kept him warm at night. And Catherine. Why did she keep coming back in his mind? Why? She wasn't important to him. Then why?  
  
He placed the mask nearer his sweaty skin. The flashbacks came faster and stronger. They were clearer. The images were sharper. His skin started to become more clammy the closer he moved it to his face. He was sweating profusely with the mask a mere few inches from his face.  
  
"Trowa? Can we talk?" Quatre head slipped through the doorway. "Please? I have something I want to tell you." Trowa turned towards Quatre's voice. What could he want? The mask brushed his face as he moved his head. A sudden flash raced through his mind of Catherine. The moment lasted only that, a moment, but went on forever. A sweatdrop fell from his forehead onto the mask.   
  
Quatre opened the door a bit more and stepped in the room. He was holding his slacks by the sides, something he only did when he was nervous. He walked in a little farther. He went up to Trowa and put his hand on the side of Trowa's face. Trowa cradled his face in the warmth of Quatre's small hand. Then he pulled himself back. Not after what he did to me.   
  
"I'm kind of busy, Quatre. Why don't you talk to Duo or Heero?" Trowa said, sadder by the second that Quatre hadn't just said that he had kissed Duo. Why didn't he say so? Why is he hiding it from me? We tell each other everything. Why won't he tell me this?  
  
Quatre backed up from Trowa, confused. His eyes started to water and he backed out the door whispering "Okay, Trowa. That's fine. We can talk later..." He closed the door behind him. Trowa turned towards the mask that was still in his hand. Why hadn't Quatre asked what was wrong? He knows that I only take my mask out when I need it. Doesn't he care for me anymore? No, he doesn't. If he had, he wouldn't have kissed Duo. He doesn't care.... 


	8. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven  
  
Heero neared the house that Dr. J had set them up in. He saw the light on in Duo's room. The rain made the window glow. He slowed down and stared at the window. The rain fell in stronger and thicker waves on his shoulders. His shorts were now drenched as well as his shirt causing them to bond to him like a second skin. His thoughts again caught up with him, overwhelming him. His mind came back with an incredible force.   
  
"No! The...the...," Heero screamed as he grabbed his head and fell to the ground. Heero stared at Duo's room. Why did he feel so awful? Why did he feel like something was in his mind he had to learn but he couldn't remember? That was it. It was his humanity that he had to relearn. That's why the memories of the battlefield had hurt him so much when before they never bothered him. They were useful in the situation he was in at the time but now they were simply sores and pains on his mind. The images of the mobile suits that he had destroyed came back into his mind. This time instead of thinking they were going to be useful on the no longer existent battlefield he thought they were horrible. All the times he had laughed after destroying a suit were now a torment.   
  
His Duo...he could make this better. He would give him something to put him to sleep and then Duo would sit there, stroking his hair, until he fell asleep. Duo wouldn't abandon him the way he had abandoned Duo. Duo would stay there. Duo would protect him. No matter what happened, he could trust his lover. He could always trust him.  
  
Heero got to his feet a bit unsteadily and walked to the door. He placed his hand on the doorknob and started to turn it. The door creaked open a bit. Heero paused. The house was so quiet. He took a deep breath and pushed the door the rest of the way open.   
  
Heero stepped through the door to come face to face with Duo. 


	9. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight  
  
Duo fell back on the bed. Why had Quatre run out? Why? Didn't Quatre understand his feelings for him? Or did he even understand them himself? Did he even have any? Duo's head spun in circles. He loved Heero yet Quatre was more of who he wanted for a lover. Quatre understood his feelings. Quatre understood that he needed someone to talk to. Heero, however, had run out on him.   
  
Duo got up and went out towards the kitchen. He passed through the door and down the hallway. Going down the stairs he tripped and fell half way down. Not that anyone cares. Not that anyone ever cared. Or ever will. Why did Heero ever act like he loved me? He never acted like it tonight when he was laying with me in the den.   
  
Duo passed through the den, much as it pained him, there was no over way to the kitchen. He walked through the various rooms. Since they had only moved in recently, he was still unfamiliar with the way through.   
  
The door in the living room opened slowly like the person was unsure. It squeaked as it opened. Partway open the passageway stopped and stayed partially open. Heero probably didn't close the door all the way. It's just the wind. Duo moved to close it. The door had started opening farther. Suddenly, it opened all the way. Heero came through.   
  
Duo rushed to Heero and hugged him. He held him as close as possible even if he was wet. Duo turned his head and kissed Heero's cheek. Heero fell into him. He held Duo like nothing else mattered. The water dripped down his hair and fell onto Duo's cheek.   
  
After a second, they let go. Heero's eyes started to flow with tears. Duo looked at him worriedly. His Heero was crying. Heero never cried. Duo took Heero by the hand and led him towards his room. No one needed to know that Heero was home or that he was sobbing.   
  
Duo looked in his closet for some clothes for Heero to change into for now. He picked out a pair of shorts and a black shirt. Heero was so distraught that Duo had to help him change. After Heero had calmed down a bit Duo helped him slip under the blankets. Duo pulled up a chair and spun it around. Then he straddled it. Poor Heero was still crying. He was shivering with each gasp of breath. Duo stroked Heero's hair.   
  
"Wait right here, Heero. I will be right back. Don't worry, Heero," Duo said as he backed up. Duo went into the bathroom and got a towel. He came back into the room. Heero was still shivering. He took the towel and rubbed it over Heero's face and hair trying to dry it off a bit. The towel did little good. Duo looked at Heero laying prone in the bed. He continued to stroke Heero's hair. Heero closed his eyes slowly, exhausted.   
  
Duo sat by Heero all night. He just let him lay there instead of getting into bed with him. Heero shook and convulsed all night leaving Duo worried. Eventually, he slipped into sleep. A worried and light sleep that caused Duo to toss and turn all night like his Heero. 


	10. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine  
  
Quatre went down the hall and into his room. He sat on his bed, thinking. Trowa had always made time for him. Why hadn't he this time? He was never too busy for Quatre. Why was he now? And he was holding his mask. He only had his mask out of the drawer when he needed to get a small bit of comfort because it reminded his feelings were too confusing. Why did he have it now?   
  
Quatre got up and, moving to his own drawers, picked up a picture of him and Trowa together. Trowa was sitting in the front and he was behind him, hugging him. Quatre thought back to when the picture had been taken by Heero when they had gone to the park. While the picture was being taken, Trowa had swore that he would always be there for Quatre, as long as he kept the picture. The picture...Is it something about the picture? Or does Trowa just not love me anymore? Quatre replaced the picture on it's place on his shelf.   
  
I need to tell Trowa though. I need to tell him that I love him and I'm sorry. Or does he know? How could he? He looked like he had been in his room for at least the last couple of minutes. How could Trowa have seen them? And it wasn't his fault anyway. It was Duo's. He had moved toward and kissed him. He didn't try to kiss Duo, just on the forehead, a comfort kiss. Or could Duo have mistaken it for something more. And why had he let Duo kiss him in the first place?  
  
I need to talk to Trowa and now. Quatre got up from his bed and opened the door. He ran down the hallway towards Trowa's room. The door was part open. He pushed it the rest of the way and peeked in. Trowa was not in his room. His jacket was gone. He moved towards the open drawer. Trowa's half-face mask was gone. Where had Trowa gone? It was too late for Trowa to be going out for a walk now. Where...?   
  
"Trowa," Quatre mumbled. "Where did you go?"  
  
Quatre went back to his room. If Trowa wanted to go out or something then let him. He could see him in the morning. Quatre changed his clothes and slid under the bed covers and went to sleep. 


	11. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten  
  
Trowa's footsteps echoed in the quiet street. The sounds of his shoes splashing through the puddles from the earlier rain sounded hollow and out of place. Even with all the distracting noises that he created, Trowa could not take his mind off what he had seen that night. His Quatre and Heero's Duo, in Duo's room, kissing. The one thought played over in his mind. Again and again. No matter how hard he tried not to think about it. Over and over, Trowa saw Duo being held by Quatre. Looking up, moving forward. Puckering his lips. Kissing Quatre...  
  
"Why am I punishing myself?!" His voice died into the cold, still air. "I didn't do anything. It wasn't me with my lips attached to Duo's! Why did I even bother to look? I wouldn't have stopped and helped Duo anyway. I should have kept going. I should have gone straight to the kitchen."   
  
Trowa continued to walk down the barren alleys, jumping over this fence and that. Eventually, he wound up at the old lot where his circus had been set up just the week before. He hadn't even bothered to go and see Catherine. After how she treated him. She saved his damn life! She let him meet that little two-timing, backstabbing asshole! She was responsible for this! Why should he have gone to see her?  
  
Trowa sat down on the street curb and buried his face in his hands. The horrible flashbacks kept coming into his head.   
  
The young boy reached inside his jacket and produced the face mask. Images of Catherine, the ringmaster, the other performers...Trowa dropped the mask on the ground. It's clatter resinated through the empty lot. Part of the edge of the mask snapped off and fell away. Kicking the mask, he stood up. The facial disguise flew across the parking lot and landing in front of another shoe. It broke into three large pieces and several littler ones. They scattered across the patch of pavement and lay silent.   
  
He just left it there and walked away. It didn't matter anymore. The mask had reminded him that he had had a reason to keep from self detonating. Not anymore. The ex-pilot walked on, swallowed into the night.   
  
His rage and pain left hidden in the darkness of his soul, he wandered in the general direction of   
the Gundam boys' shared house.   
  
* * * * *  
  
A hand reached down and picked up one of the larger pieces of the mask and held it out toward the confused individual retreating into the night. A flap of white fluttered in the breeze.   
  
"Self destruction for any reason, other than dishonor, is the greatest dishonor." 


End file.
